A Calculated risk
by gad-eshu'a
Summary: Nyota and Spock have differing views on their love but they are nonetheless smitten with each other. PWP M rated. 1st person POV for Nyota and then Spock.


I never knew for sure but I had a feeling. One of those instances of intuition that people describe as coming from the gut. His eyes would linger, his gait would slow and his voice would drop an octave deeper.

I didn't know him well. You build a rapport with your professors but you see of them what they want you too. He was known for playing his cards close, hell who knew if he even knew of the game. But I had a feeling and it led me into taking an intentional gamble with his career and mine. Hunches aren't worth betting on but this male was. Still is and always will be as far as I'm concerned but back then dating your professor and commanding officer wasn't something to take lightly.

No longer under his direct command or tutelage, us dating still wasn't a good look. Subterfuge to the obvious affection felt wrong but it was a necessary contradiction. Stay cool and collected now another the others and seek recompense later. Hot, unhinged, lid fluttering payback in the form of flesh but it was...still is more than that.

Our first kiss...it a little like the one he gives me now and I can't help my light-headed shiver that goes over me.

Back then Spock had turned to me as I paused under the stairwell. In the seclusion of the late night hour and poor lighting he studied me and came closer. I leaned forward with a smile I couldn't keep from my lips, even as they parted. His dark eyes went to the them just as they do now while I run my tongue across them.

Hovering over me like a devil-earred shadow, Spock's mouth mirrored mine and steadily drew nearer. At the hot brush of his breath at my face, I braced my hands at his shoulders and lifted myself higher to bring our lips together. We experimented for a while like this, noting the sensation of the other before he finally pushed forward and locked our mouths together. Hot, plush satin is what the crush of his lips felt like and the shy, curious swipe of his tongue is like a wet, raspy suede.

Here in our bed there's no need to accommodate the height difference and the nervous uncertainty is a distance memory. I guide his face towards my mouth with years worth of fond experience and brush our lips against each other. It's a tease I know, not to kiss him outright but I'm feeling nostalgic and hoping that he catches on to the memory I'm trying to recreate.

Just as he always does, Spock doesn't disappoint. He tilts and bends his head, moving his mouth lightly over mine like a pendulum, close enough to touch but far enough away to make me ache. The warm, woody scent of him waves over me as his hair shuffles with the shifting movement, driving my lust for him higher.

All of him is so warm, to me at least but when we're alone he's on fire. Everything is hot, his mouth, his prying fingers, the scorching length of him. God and his eyes. Those dark, brown eyes have gone completely shot beneath the hood of his lids, molten and piercing as they take me in.

The fact that I know that look and his desire is for me and me alone, turns me out. It's like by consuming his control he steals away mine. By the time his movements slow, I'm a mere shell of myself. Needy, pushy and pulling at his large body to shed his clothing. His hand easily pushes mine away and settles me on the bed with a heady kiss. Well, this isn't like the first time. That was dizziness and butterflies. This shit here has me climbing him like a tree.

"Fuck…" I gasp hoarsely as he breaks away to strip. He loves my mouth as much as I savor the taste of his but dammit if he doesn't mind fuck me in the process. All I can think about is how I want to have him all over me, touch all over him...ride him until I can't possibly more another hip-jerking inch.

I swallow away the lingering taste of his mouth and lick at my lips as I join him in shedding clothing. I slow his progression as he takes time to watch me, admiring what new sights coming into view. I turn away from him and I hook my fingers over my underwear, sliding them off with a wiggle. I hear Spock groan low in his throat and make one of those Vulcan noises he hums when he's pleased. I run my hands up over my legs and spread my fingers over the curve of my rear. He takes a quick, scandalize breath at the scene and I can feel his eyes burning at where I'm palming my waist.

 _That's right, let's both be out of our minds,_ I think as I unhook my bra and turn to greet him.

I gasp as I almost run into him. Somehow, sometime in that brief look away he moved to and over me like a giant tower of muscle. I swallow again and allow him to push me down on to the bed. I bounce against the stiff surface, once, twice and at the third, final jolt Spock's crawled his huge body over me like a starved man.

He doesn't touch me immediately and I know he's studying me again. Perfect memory recall or not, he wants to note any changes. I use to feel insecure about it. Thoughts of a new wrinkle or stretch mark would race through her mind every time his gaze would pause over a particular area. I learned soon enough though physical imperfections were the furthest thing from his mind. The moment his fingers touch my face, I _feel_ his mind brand me.

/ Beautiful...so very beautiful/

The moment I'm free of any trace of hesitation, Spock is all over me. His mouth moves over me as if he's trying not to maul me. I feel his teeth graze me every now and then as he nips and licks down my torso. His hands are worse off. They practically vibrating with pent up energy as he gently feels me over. I can feel how easy it would be for him to lift me clear of the bed with just a hand and how much he works to keep a check and balance of his ability. It's kinda...well, not kinda, it is sexy. Here he is, this big, geeky alien professor with a level of sass no one should possess handling me like fine china. Adorable. And hot. God, so fucking hot.

I'm too busy thinking of his hands and what he can do with them to notice that one of them is gripping his cock until I feel the bulbous head of it bumping at my entrance.

He shivers and rubs himself between my folds before pushing forward with a hunger jut of his hips. I suck at the air and close my eyes. I'm wet and wanting but my boy is ahem ' _healthy_ '. He eases back and pushes forward again, thumbing at my nipples until I'm arching and he's all the way inside me. " Fuck yes…" I curse because honestly _Fucking yes_ to all of this.

His hands smooth their way down my sides and move to cup my behind. I give a little startle _Mmm_ at the quick pump in and out but that only spurs him on. Hell, who am I kidding? We both knew we were done for as soon as I asked and he all too quickly answered yes. He was willing to take anything I gave him but I was after everything he could give me. In the end, with bonding and marriage, I believe it was a fair exchange.

Privy to my thoughts, Spock grips me tighter and gives me a feral look before driving himself deeper. All sense leaves me as I moves again and I amended my conclusion. I definitely got the better half.

She bows against me, clawing at my back as I furiously rub the head of my cock against the spongy knot inside her channel. From the moment she gasped against me I knew that it combined with my hand between her folds would the necessary push that would make her come apart. I need that from her as much as she wants it from me and I grit my teeth in an effort to bank my own release.

It is difficult, however, to do so. Nyota is impossibly soft, so undeniably human in her snug wetness that the somewhat taboo nature of our alien coupling thrills me. My pelvis tilts as I adjust on the mattress and she chokes out my name and holds my arms. " Spock! Oh God _there_ …please."

I oblige and keep my hips angled as she wishes and am rewarded with raspy mew in what sounds like Caitian. Her chest rises from the bed with her breasts leading the charge. She holds the arch in an unspoken invitation and gladly accept with a slow, generous lick from her sternum to her throat.

It doesn't matter how many times she's allowed me to touch her, the feel of her body is perfect. Each and every time, whether it's my hands, my mouth or my lok, it matters not. I can barely contain the sensation of hunger with each glancing caress across her skin but she knows what stirs in the confines of my mind. Of Nyota and no other, I am a gluttonous, insatiable lover but how could I not be.

I look down to where she's squirming beneath me and huff a ragged a breath. Caged under my body with those whiny, little moans keeps me on edge. All it would take is a well placed squeeze or random, illicit thought and I would be growling out my own release.

For her though, for this woman that is more than my wife and closer than my breath I would do anything. My passion for her consumes me, makes me wild and reckless and all things illogical. I love her.

I bend down towards her ear and tell her as much because I cannot help myself and I know she needs to hear it. She sighs in pleasure and murmurs the same, spreading her legs wider for me.

" Yes…" I barely recognize my own voice as I growl in approval. My hands move to her waist and her back and I pull her up against me. My mouth chases after her gasping one and I close over it in a deep and tender kiss. My hips beat against her and my lap is soon wet with her love of it. I nip at her lip and catch sight of flush and disheveled face. A groan escapes me and I toss her back onto the bed. Mine. Sweet, soft lover. Nyota.

She laughs at my fawning but I cannot help myself. I am in love; in the throes of the consequences of a calculated risk. Overtures should not have been made, courting should not have commenced but I did so knowingly in the hopes that I could be hers.

Begging is beneath me but I was not above it when I saw the appraisal in her eyes. Possible harassment was a serious matter, not at all tolerated here at Starfleet so I waited until her attraction was clear. It had been an...unpleasantly long wait but well worth it. I would still think the same if we had been found out in a time where our pairing would have been ruled inappropriate so long as I still had her.

My hands go under her thighs, hiking her legs up over my waist so I can regain that earlier angle to plunge deeper. I'm instantly struck with the sound of her voice crying out my name.

" Spock…" she wails, clinging to shoulders in a teary repose. I continue to drive into her with an involuntary grunt, watching her beautiful brown face express her desire for me.

It is unreasonable how breathtaking she is. It is the excuse I give myself when I am very liberal in my role of coitus. It is only logical that I take her thusly, leave her so exhausted and sated that she haven't the thought or energy to look anyone else but me. It is illogical to covet her. I am my wife's and she is mine but I cannot help it. I _love_ her.

I draw myself closer until I threaten to smother her and nuzzle her neck. Her skin silky and fragrant here, perfumed by her shampoo and sweat, intoxicating me. I cannot seem to stop my tongue from running against it, no more than I can stop my hands from tracing the edges of her mind. I share my delight in her with her and gain her pleasure in mine. It grows and swells and before I can temper it the psionic sensation breaks over us like water from a dam.

I buckle against her and am held still by the fierce tangle of her fingers in my hair. My face is crushed against her breasts but I have no compliant. I die my little death nestled between them as she goes through the motions of her _le petite mort_.

It is not quiet peak and I am not modest in my observation of it. I devour every moment of it, from her shivering thighs to her plaintive cries. This is exactly what she wanted, me and I gave myself to her in spades. Let it never be said that I am not generous with her. Reserved? Merely a public ruse. Cold? That may be left to cultural interpretation. Obsessed? Undoubtedly but I would not have it any other way.

" Mmm, Nyota…" I whisper hoarsely into her hair as I pull her closer. It is enough to restrain her trembling but stopped short of bruising. She enjoys my strength and loves it even more than I bank it just enough to keep it pleasurable. Taming me is what she's done, whether she knows or acknowledges it, I could care less.

I tilt my head to mouth at her jaw and hum as she whimpers against me. She is close once more and the thought of it excites me. In an unnecessarily strong grip I pull her hips onto mine and growl against her skin. " Again…" I demand with no explanation as to what or how but she knows what I want.

My hips have yet to cease their thrusting and my pelvis is slick with her arousal. The thought of how it would taste crosses my mind and unduly over hers. She chokes on her moan and bites at her lips. Nyota loves me to love her in such a way and my mouth waters at her recollection. Her cunt gives me a particularly tight squeeze and I find myself lightly scoring her skin with my teeth. _Do not tempt me_ my mind pleads while my body licks at her patient preparation. Mine.

I'm working towards my own bliss along with hers but Nyota is not a woman to sit back and let others do for her what she can do for herself. She thrashes beneath me to be let up and I reluctantly acquiesce.

Falling back onto the mattress she clamors on top of me and eagerly takes the lead. I watch as she moves my hands to the pillows on either side of my head and stares at me. " Don't move."

I blink my heavy lidded eyes, acknowledging her. I want to obey her, even plan on it but the way she twists herself above me in torturous. As she rises and falls upon me, I feel my lips peel back to bare my teeth and my nostrils flare at her scent. The pillows beside my head are quickly clenched between my hands to keep myself from touch her.

My breath sounds unnatural loud in my ears as she gains a faster rhythm, driving us both mad with her need to finish us. Those nimble fingers of hers are tickling at my sides and do everything I can to restrain my hips from thrusting up to meet hers. Nyota's mouth falls open in a breathy grin and leans forward to lock her lips over mine. It's wet, messy and forceful but all the things I crave as she picks up the pace and cradles my face between her palms.

The images of her mind come to me in a dreamlike fog, blurry and partially obscured from memory but they sentiment is clear as water. The vision of her in front of me on hands and knees is vivid and electric. Only a few seconds pass before I groan into her mouth and stiffen beneath her. She quickly follows, arching with a wail while clamping down around my cock.

I close my eyes against the scene, not because I wish to look away but I feel overwhelmed by it. It is too much as much as it is addictive; I am burn too brightly.

My breath is returning when she slumps against me. Soft weight that she is, Nyota may as well be a blanket for how she feels. I disobey her command to stay my hands and wrap my arms around her.

Her chest bounces against mine with silent laughter and I tilt my head until I see her face. Her skin is rosy and bright like polished copper as it always is after coitus but her expression is capricious.

" What is it?"

She nibbles at her lip and braces her body with her hands across my chest. " I can't believe you sometimes...and no one else would for that matter."

My lips turn up in a brief hint of a smile as I roll us over until the mattress is at her back. " Good."


End file.
